I am having trouble breathing. I lay here barely moving…Still. I am listening carefully to the sounds around me.
~•~
Every single little sound has become magnified.What I am able to see appears as stark relief against the background of life going on around me. I close my eyes…
~•~
I can feel the primal posture that my inner being has begun to crouch back into and it hurts all over. I have grown out of this position and I need to stretch my legs and arch my back and raise my arms to the sun…
~•~
I can’t breathe here.
~*~
I look around at situations and circumstances that swirl around me, picking up the dust and debris and scattering dissension over every room in my house. But, if I am honest with myself, there has been a decision…or maybe three, that invited, allowed, and possible co-created this chaos that is my life. There were concessions that I should not have made and lines in the sand that I allowed to be moved back. And there moments when I was quiet and passive when I knew I needed to raise my voice in a righteous rant against entities disguised as friends and loved ones and even pleasant neighbors as they trampled carelessly over the gardens in my life.
~*~
My air has become thick and congested and it is laced with hurtand dominance and smiles that stop before they reach the eyes andjudgements that aren’t fair and slights of hand and tricks of the eye.
~*~
I open my mouth wide, trying to pull in just one clean and clear gulp of the very thing I need to live…one cannot survive for very long in a place where the oxygen is compromised. Things begin to die little by little. First my toes and fingers start to tingle and now I can’t even feel them. My vision goes dim from time to time and there are things that I was supposed to see that I don’t now. My thoughts don’t come as quickly as they once did; I get confused easily. I find that I don’t pray as much as I plot. And my heart works so hard now, trying to push what little oxygen I have left through my body-it aches so bad anymore.
~*~
~and then I hear the voice of my Beloved!~
~*~
“And then-in the dawn I saw him, He whom my heart loveth so. I found Him, held Him and told Him I never could let Him go.” (Cant. 3:1-2)
~*~
I must rise up from this bitter bed of tears and seek out my Beloved in our trysting place. I know He waits for me there! Together, we will go hand in hand to where the air is sweet and invigorating…there I will allow it to fill me and heal me and make me strong again! I will throw back my head and drink in huge gulps of it as I life my arms up towards the Sun!
That’s the Air that I will breathe…
RubyT❀
#storyteller
All Rights Reserved. Lisa Seward-Partee/Ruby TruthSeeker. 2017.